Dismantle, Repair
by Aces17
Summary: AH Canon, After a string of tragedies, Bella's life becomes too much to bear. She needs a light at the end of the tunnel, just as she meets Edward in group therapy. Edward is a former Marine who has been given the whole world and his own set of problems. Will they find refuge in each other? Note: This story will cover: abuse, sexual assault, suicide, war, and other adult topics.
1. Prologue

A/N: Hey everyone! This is my new story that's actually 4 years old, as you can tell by my lengthy absence. This is just the prologue! Chapters will not be this short I assure you. And! I'm not Stephenie Meyer.

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She led me the top of the building where her mother worked. I was confused by her actions. She was terrified of heights. I had learned not to be surprised anymore, ever since her break up with James she had acted strange and unlike herself, doing things she never would. I stuck by her though. She was my best friend. I loved her as a sister, and felt it was my role to be there for her in the absence of what she needed most.

"Bella?" She addressed me finally after uncomfortable silence with tears already glazing over her eyes. I was used to that look, she had worn it for months.

"Yeah, Tanya?" I thought that maybe she would finally open up to me, she looked like there was so much to say. I had never been the type of person to ask for information that wasn't volunteered. She pressed her full lips into a straight line, and rested her hand on top of her ever-growing baby bump. She was twenty, pregnant, alone, and scared.

"Do you believe in God?" She asked reluctantly. I couldn't possibly imagine where she was going with this. Religion and politics were not are usual sleepover topics, I was bad with deep conversations.

"I'm not sure Tanya, I guess not." I told her honestly while putting a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off and smiled meekly. She hadn't liked being touched anymore.

"You don't believe in heaven or hell then?" Her voice was so soft I could barely hear her. I took a step toward her. I didn't try to touch her again, I didn't want her to be uncomfortable.

"Probably not, but who knows?" I answered. "I think that God, Heaven, and Hell are kind of a package deal. I don't see how someone could believe or not believe in one, and not the others." She looked at me quizzically, her facial expression perpetuated by my response, and at that moment I knew something was wrong. It wasn't wrong like when she found out James had gotten her pregnant, or even wrong like when he left her as soon as he found out. Whatever she was thinking, was detrimental.

Her face distorted in pain, and her chin began to quiver. She was fighting back tears that she shouldn't have been ashamed to shed. "Do you think I would go to heaven, Bella? Do you think I'm….good enough?" She let the tears flow freely as she asked.

"Tanya, you're one of the best people I know. I know you're going through a hard time right now, and we're all sinners. You deserve the best out of life, and death. I can't say for sure, no one can. But I think you would go to heaven if there is one." I looked into her eyes, trying to look as deep as I could. I wanted to see her soul. The soul that I was certain would go to heaven. But it was blocked by pain, and defensiveness. She wouldn't allow anyone to see the soul that she wasn't sure of, not until she could see it herself.

She faked a half smile, and walked toward me wrapping me in a gentle hug. I wrapped my arms around her, too. It was the only physical contact she had made with anyone in months. I could feel her belly pressing against me. I would be Auntie Bella in about four months. I would have help her the best I could.

"Please never blame yourself for this." She said before kissing me on the cheek and letting go of our embrace.

"Tanya, what are you talking about?" I asked, frightened. I was piecing together the puzzle but didn't want to see the result. I relished in the few moments of denial she had graciously given to me.

"You really did the best you could, Bella. But I'll never be happy. Please just….don't blame yourself." She finished and she cried for just a moment. A real cry, not of sadness or anger, but relief. She looked down at her swollen belly and mumbled another apology, to her unborn child this time.

My heart was pounding and my palms were sweaty. I was about to ask her to explain again. Anything to stall her, I just wanted to talk her out of what she was thinking and help her realize her worth.

But she never would. Before I could get a single syllable out of my mouth, she got a running start and flung herself from the top of the building onto the asphalt 16 stories below.

I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out but a broken sob. I ran to the side where she had jumped, as if she might be hanging onto something within my reach. I thought that maybe I could save her, but when I looked all I saw was my best friend, broken and mangled on the ground. Two lives wasted, destroyed by a selfish man.

That moment, was the beginning of the end of me.

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Okay so I really need some opinions on this, I'm rusty. This story will be difficult to write, and it's very very dark.

Peace and Love

-Aces


	2. Chapter 1

I'm not Stephenie Meyer.

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It has been one year today since my best friend killed herself. My life has only gotten worse since then. I've tried a few drugs, nothing serious. And as soon as it was in my system, I decided that I will never do them again. I never would have tried drugs a year ago. But I do almost anything to block out the pain. Everyone expects me to be over it by now. But have they ever had to look at their best friend's mother's face when she walks outside and sees her barely recognizable daughter bleeding on the ground? _Tanya was selfish for choosing her mother's work as the venue for her suicide_. Guilt burns my insides as I think ill of my best friend.

Cutting myself works occasionally, you know, replacing the emotional pain with physical pain, but when you can't inflict enough physical pain to match the emotional pain, all you feel is both. I've only tried it a handful of times on a particularly bad day. Unfortunately for me, I've never been one for blood, so the relief usually comes by way of seeing or smelling it, then passing out.

I walk into my bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I look almost the same as I did when it happened, just subtle differences. I am a little thinner, and paler, if possible. I have dark circles under my eyes that weren't there before. It's obvious that I don't sleep much. I don't take care of my hair or nails the way I used to, trips to the salon were a favorite pass time of Tanya and me. Without her egging me on to be feminine, I'm ugly, and I don't care.

I'm heading to La Push to see Sam, my boyfriend. He's alright. I've been with him about a month. I don't care about him, or love him. I just need a distraction. He's always willing to provide me with with free beer, and a cheap compliment. I take what I can get, my self esteem can really only go up. He's probably just going to be drunk when I get there, as if I care. I will probably just watch TV, and maybe cook for him. He lives by himself, he's twenty-six. My father wasn't pleased, but he was happy to see me doing something other than "mope". So he doesn't complain too much. Not that he could, I'm an adult, old enough to drink, smoke, and fight in a war if I wanted to.

I climbed into my rusted red truck and put the keys in the ignition. It's a miracle it still runs after 5 years of abuse by myself, and probably 15 years of abuse by others. I look back up to the mirror in front of me. I'm still ugly, just as I was ten minutes ago. I back out of my driveway, and head toward the freeway. The road in front of me is all too familiar. I'm so sick of seeing the same thing every single day. As much as I love my Dad, I'm anxious to get out of Forks. I was thriving at college in Seattle when Tanya flung herself from that building. School became too rough after that, and I decided to take some time off with the blessing of my father and my counselors at school. _I'm glad she did it over Summer, or else I probably would have ruined an entire semester of work _I selfishly thought.

I'm silently rebuking myself for my selfishness as I see the familiar red house. I sigh as I walk up to the door, and knock three times. Sam answers staggering drunk. His deep brown eyes are blood shot. He towers over me almost a foot; his russet skin is dirty with oil from working on cars with my childhood friend, Jake.

"Hey baby!" He exclaims as he pulls me into a hug, I can smell the alcohol on him.

"Hi." I say simply, and he pulls me inside.

"Are you excited to see me?" He asks suggestively and I snort. The one thing I haven't tried as a distraction is sex, much to Sam's aversion. James made Tanya sleep with him, and then he left her so miserable she killed herself. I shiver a little bit as I think about it.

Sam closes the distance between us and wraps me back in his arms. "You're so beautiful, Bella." He says with a smile as he kisses me forcing his tongue into my mouth. I decide to allow it for a moment, he's just drunk. His kisses are desperate in the least attractive way, and it's so high school. I eventually shrug out of his grip and push him away. "Would you like me to make something for dinner?" I ask, hoping I have successfully derailed his train of thought.

"God damn it, Bella! Why do you always do that?" He says angrily, and I just shrug. He has this reaction every single time I reject him. "I'm just not ready yet." I tell him simply. I use the same line every time, and it always works. He walks back toward me and pushes me back down on the couch. This has never happened before. I begin to panic, I can feel my pulse racing. My palms are sweating the same way they always do when something bad is about to happen.

"Not this time, Bella. I've waited long enough." He says between ragged breaths as he begins kissing me again.

"Please don't do this, Sam." I say as a tear begins to fall down my cheek. I haven't cried in a long time, it's almost a relief. Sam's hand is traveling up and down my body grabbing on to every inch of me. My thighs, my hips, my waist, my breasts.

"It will feel good, baby. I promise." He says trying to assure me. I don't know what he's thinking. I try to push him off one more time, as he ignores me. I start screaming but he silences me by forcing his mouth on mine again. I beg silently that maybe Jake had heard me for the few seconds I managed to muster out my cries for help, but after a few moments I realize luck has never been on my side. He takes of my sweater, then my shirt, and my jeans. I struggle the whole way through, but he's too big, too strong. He pulls away and admires my exposed body. I get a few moments to focus on the stinging sensation manifesting itself in my arms where he was gripping me, I feel uglier now than I did standing in front of my bathroom mirror. This is going to be my first time. I feel so worthless.

He strips himself completely in a matter of seconds before climbing back on top of me. "Do you like what you see?" He asks in my ear trying to be seductive.

"Sam, please. I don't want to do this." I plead one last time.

My mind goes blank. I decide to just let it happen no, I'm not stronger or faster than him. I know he's undressing me completely now, but I can't feel it. I feel as if I'm watching from the outside. I can deal with that, it's the best I will get out of this. I hope that my numbness gets me through the experience. As he enters me forcefully I come back to reality, and now I can feel everything.

"Stop!" I shriek out as he breaks me. He forcefully puts his hand over my mouth and slams my head into the arm of the couch. I'm not sure whether I'm going to die or just pass out as I become consumed with a panic that is unparalleled by any other I've experienced. He's moving in and out of me as I try to focus on anything else. My tears are soaking my face, and my body is begging for the vicious attack to let up. He finishes quickly, and I'm grateful for at least that much.

He gets off of me, and pulls on his boxers. I'm still shaking uncontrollably, not sure what to do at this point. I make a feeble attempt to wipe the tears from my face as I try to cover myself the best I can, not yet ready to get up.

"Are you okay?" He asks as if he doesn't realize that he just raped me. I don't want to think the word.

There's actual pity in his eyes before he lies down on the couch and falls asleep, or just passes out depending on how you want to look at it. I stand up; my body is sore all over. I manage to locate all of my clothing strewn about the room. I don't bother to wash up. It's worthless. I'm worthless. I slowly pull on my clothes and get back into the truck.

Where do I go now? Maybe I should go to the police. I can't, though. I never want Charlie to know about this. He would shoot Sam, and get himself arrested. I'm not worth that much. I can feel the tears dripping down my face, and I don't remember them falling again. They aren't filled with anything but salt, no emotion, just salt.

I look around me, and I spot a cliff. I hadn't been on that cliff in years. I was grounded for six months when I was fourteen for getting Jake to take me cliff diving.

I look forward only to see the painted lines on the road moving in front of me faster and faster. I don't remember starting my car, but I'm driving up to the top of the cliff somehow.

The clouds up ahead are a stormy gray, and the waves below are thrashing. This is perfect. I remember the words my father had spoken to me when I got caught at the Black's house drying off after my recreation.

"What were you thinking, Bella?!" He had said. "With as much as it storms here, those waves could have killed you!" He yelled out at me.

They could kill me. How convenient.

I tip toe out of my truck, partly because anything else would have put me in pain. Mostly because I think that somehow somewhere Charlie can hear me up here, and I will get in huge trouble.

I walk slowly over to the edge and peep over. The waves are deadly, how ideal.

I shut my eyes and Tanya's voice floods my ears.

"_Don't do this. I asked you not to blame yourself." _Her compassionate voice was ringing more true than any of the dreams or illusions I've had of her in the last year.

"I don't blame anyone anymore. I understand how you felt. I know why you jumped, and I'm okay with that. If I had known this was how miserable you were, then I would have pushed you." I'm speaking out loud to no one, and lying to my best friend. I would have never pushed her, and I wouldn't be miserable if she weren't gone.

"_Please Bella, don't. Think of Charlie." _The voice rationalizes with me. Charlie is going to be better off without me. I decide not to say this out loud. I don't want to upset my illusion of Tanya; I don't want to hear her get mad. I remember her asking if I thought she would go to heaven or hell. Well wherever suicide sends you, I'm going there, too. Who cares, it's probably just straight into the ground anyway. And everything will be fixed.

I go back to my truck as I manage to find an envelope and a pencil on the floorboards of my car while I scrawl out a note to my beloved father.

_Dad, _

_I'm sorry things had to end this way. I couldn't live with myself anymore. You were the best father any girl could ask for, and I hope you find solace in knowing that I am in peace. I love you. _

_Bells._

I take another step toward the edge. I find it ironic that I'm going to meet almost the same fate as my best friend had. We really are two of a kind, both of us so woebegone that we had to jump off of something high.

I always wondered if she'd suffered. If she really died before her brain could send the message to her nerves that she was broken and bleeding. I decide now, mostly for my sake that she didn't. She never took one last exasperated breath, her eyes never dramatically rolled into the back of her head. She just died, and that was it.

I know it's selfish, but I hope that it's the same for me. I hope that the water won't act as too much of a cushion. I hope I just hit a rock.

I look down to the water directly below and draw in a deep breath.

"_Bella-"_ Tanya begins to plead.

"Shhh. Everything is going to be alright, now." I hush her.

I was planning to get a running start, but I'm so comfortable where I stand that I think I'll just to take a pencil dive straight into the water, and probably straight to hell. I stick out one foot and then the other, and just like that—

I fall.

The wind is whipping around my face. My hair is tickling my cheeks that are also being stung by the cold.

I feel like I've been falling forever, and now I'm surrounded by frozen needles, poking and stabbing at every inch of my body. In an odd way, the coolness soothes the pain from Sam's attack, while my unaffected areas feel awful.

This must be the water.

It's incredibly painful, physically I mean. But the pain is nothing compared to how I've felt for the last twelve months.

I open my mouth to laugh out loud, and mock the pain. But it just fills with seawater, stinging my mouth and nose. I can feel myself sinking deeper and deeper now. This is a great way to die, oddly peaceful.

The world keeps going from black, to white, black, to white. I must be slipping in and out of consciousness. Good, it's almost over. I can feel something grabbing my waist, I must have finally hit a rock. I still keep fading out black, to white, black to white. And finally my mind decides to settle on black.

It has been one year today since my best friend killed herself. My life has only gotten worse since then.

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A/N: I really hope you all liked the first chapter. I was and still am incredibly nervous about this story. It's much darker than my other two stories. Let me know what you think! Edward will definitely be making an appearance in this story, just bear with me. Peace and love

Aces


	3. Chapter 2

**I'm not Stephenie Meyer.**

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EPOV

A car backfiring outside translates into gunshots in my dream as I jolt awake. The nightmares haven't stopped since I got back from my deployment. Relief washes over me and slows the pitter patter of my accelerated heart rate as I realize I'm no longer in the god forsaken desert. I never have to go back, I was out of the Marine Corps for good. Honorable discharge after being shot in the leg, in the same attack that took the life of my right hand man, Private Mike Newton.

Since then I had been an empty shell, the only emotions that ever made their way to me were negative. I had contemplated suicide, but for what? To be another Post Traumatic Stress Disorder inflicted Marine who took his own life? I didn't have the heart, or the guts. I couldn't destroy the lives of those around me that way. But God damn, the nightmares. When I do occasionally get to sleep, they're relentless. A broken record of screaming, foreign languages, bad food, unbearable heat, and gunshots. The gunshots never stop.

I decide that today is the day I take my parent's advice and obtain psychological help for my nightmares and stress. It's been a little over a year since the attack, and my leg still throbs at the thought of it. I would be dead if Newton hadn't jumped in front of me. Part of me believed that I didn't deserve to be here anymore, but Mike wouldn't die for nothing. I wouldn't let that happen.

My parents would be pleased to hear that I have finally decided to get help for myself. Our relationship had been contentious at best since I made the decision to enlist. My mother was in tears when I told her, I thought she would faint. My father looked as if his world was crashing around him. I know he wanted me to be a doctor like him someday. It's still an option, but I wanted to do something exciting for once, outside of my sheltered world. I wanted to live like I had no money, and see what others had to go through in their daily lives without the advantages I had been given.

No one took the news harder than my siblings, Alice and Emmett. I was the oldest, and they had always relied on me. Alice was a worry wart, for months leading up to my basic training she would wail every time she heard of a serviceman dying on the news. I could hear her broken sobs through the bedroom door as my deployment date approached, and it broke my heart. But I made a promise to my entire family to make it back in one piece, and Newton helped me keep that promise. I would honor his memory by getting myself out of this depression and doing something worthy with my life.

I finally rollover and glance at my alarm clock, it's only 4 in the morning. I'd have to wait until at least 9 to let my parents know that I was going to check myself into a facility for just a few days to kick start my therapy, which is what my father had been recommending for months. I wanted my relationship with my family to be normal again. I knew I didn't want to go through the VA, they were useless, all drugs and shaming. U.S. soldiers are supposed to be too manly to be bothered by the casualties on both sides of this pointless war.

I half limp into the bathroom to take a shower, and wash off the sweat from my nightmare. My leg is always at it's worst when I first wake up. I was going to physical therapy for a while, but it became tedious so I stopped going, guess I still was a spoiled rich kid after all. It was hard to bring myself to do anything these days, but I was determined to make that stop, today. I was already living in a new town, where my parents had moved while I was away on my second tour.

Forks wasn't bad, I would have been furious if I had to move here as a teenager. It was green and bland with nothing to do. But the solace was welcome now. I lived in a tiny apartment next to the only movie theater in town. The quiet was a relief, the rain kept it cool and it always smelled like camping trips with my grandfather as a kid.

As I got out of the shower my need for a hot cup of coffee throbbed behind my tired eyes. I wrapped a towel around my waist and made my way into the small kitchen to switch on the pot. It didn't take long for the smell to fill the apartment. I idly wondered if they would allow me to have coffee in the psychiatric ward, if they didn't I may have to check out early.

After I have my coffee, morning passes relatively quickly and I figure it's time to go talk to my parents and siblings about my intentions to check myself into a mental health facility for a few days. I take an exasperated breath as I climb into my silver Volvo that I got in high school. My Dad had insisted that he would buy me a new one, but I just wasn't comfortable with them helping me any more than they already were. I was milking my two years of no questions asked unemployment for those who get out of the military. I was planning on going back to school in about a year, probably in Seattle, close by, but before I could begin my life, I had to sort this shit out.

The road whipped behind me as I expertly navigated the twists and turns through the woods to my parent's house. Alice bounced out of the front door as soon as she saw my car, her boyfriend, Jasper, was standing at the threshold of the door grinning at her. Before I could even get out of the car, Emmett and his girlfriend, Rose were there to greet me also. Until I saw the enthusiasm on their faces I hadn't noticed how long ago my last visit was, at least 6 weeks.

I liked Jasper and Rose, but I didn't want people who weren't family to be butting in on this conversation, I maybe should have given a little warning, but you can't make preparations for a rash decision. I gave my obligatory hugs to my siblings before making my way into the house where my Mother embraced me and kissed my cheek. Her face dropped when she saw my expression. As I realized what I was about to do, my nerves started to get to me.

"Oh, honey, what's the matter?" she asked in her most nurturing voice. Right on cue my dad walks in and puts his hand on my shoulder briefly. "Son." he acknowledges me. The strain on our relationship still prevalent. Everyone is gathered around me now, and the pressure is almost too much to handle. "Can I talk to Mom and Dad, alone for a moment?" I ask as a courtesy. I liked Jasper and Rose, and I was glad to see my siblings happy. I yearned for a love of my own, but I couldn't focus on women and settling down in the state I was in. I needed to deserve someone good.

Everyone but my Mom and Dad silently exit the room, and I hear Alice mumble something under her breath. She wasn't good at minding her own business. "What's going on?" My Dad finally asks, prompting me to spill what has written worry across my face. "I've decided to take your advice," I begin "I am leaving from here to the hospital to check myself in to the mental health center." My dad's face softens in relief as my mother's hardens in despair.

"I didn't realize it had gotten so bad for you." My mother cries. She had been supportive of the idea in the past but didn't want to think of her son as being so broken. "Why can't you just begin therapy, why a hospital?" she nearly shouts. My father tenderly places his arms around her to comfort her.

"Mom, it's not the end of the world. I just think it will be a good idea to clear my head for a few days before I start seeing my therapist regularly. I'm going to be okay, I thought this is what you wanted." I stop myself temporarily from saying anymore, her reaction angered me in a way. Something I needed to work on the most. "I will be there voluntarily and will only stay a short while, I just wanted to let you guys know. This is a good thing." I reasoned as she meekly nodded in agreement.

"I'm glad you've finally come around to this, Edward." My Dad agrees. "Please let us know as soon as you're out. They have great continued out patient therapy programs both group and individual that I think would benefit you." he said as Dr. Cullen. It was often hard for him to separate his family from his patients. I gave my mother a hug and my dad a nod as I turned to leave. Alice assaulted me outside the door of the foyer where the conversation had taken place.

"What's that all about is everything okay?" she asks with desperation in her eyes. "I'm fine sis, just wanted to let Mom and Dad know I'd be going away for a few days." I answer with as little information as possible, with Rosalie and Jasper still in the room. I glance at them so Alice knows I don't want to speak in front of them. She reaches up to hug me, "I'm sure Mom and Dad will tell you later. Love you." I whisper. I slap Emmett on the back on the way out.

The drive to the hospital takes less time than I wanted, the closer the time to check in came, the more I wasn't looking forward to it. Yesterday I wouldn't have even considered this but I was at my breaking point. "You can leave anytime you want to." I whisper words of encouragement to myself. Without anything else to do I manage to force myself out of the car and into the hospital.

I awkwardly walk up to the front desk once I manage to find the psych ward. I'm second guessing myself, but I've come too far to turn back now. The stout middle aged redhead behind the glass finally acknowledges me. "Visitor?" she asks with a sweet smile that puts me at ease. "Um, no...actually." I stammer. "I'd like to admit...myself. Temporarily. Just for a few days, you see..." I begin to justify my strange actions as she holds her hand up.

"You don't have to explain yourself. I'm not the therapist." she attempts to joke, I give her a chuckle to humor her. She hands me the paper work I need to fill out. "Just so you know you are voluntarily doing this, you have the right to leave at any time given that you are not an immediate harm to yourself or others." she tells me formally. I nod, barely listening as I relay my information on paper.

I take a seat, and after a few moments a doctor comes out to greet me. "Hello, Edward. I'm Dr. Copes, you'll be under my care during your time here. Let's head inside and I'll show you your room, and go over your information. We'll have a group therapy session in the morning. You missed it today. And you and I will have our individual session in a couple hours after you're settled in, does that sound agreeable to you?" She asks.

"Yes." I answer. I don't know how I can disagree with someone after I just put myself at their mercy. The military was good for at least one thing, and that was understanding when someone was above you. I personally would have rather gotten the therapy session over with first, and not gone to group at all, but I'm not who knows best.

As she walks me through the corridor into the main room I take in my surroundings. Several people sitting around a couch, some look like normal everyday people you'd pass in a grocery store, some don't. I hear a shrill scream coming from the other side of the hall.

"NO!" A woman shouts. "I won't do it again I promise, I don't need to be here please don't make me stay here. PLEASE!" She cries. Whoever she was, she had it a lot worse than me, and I was beginning to think I didn't belong here. I caught a glimpse of the crying girl. She was beautiful. Long brown hair, milky skin marred by several bruises and scrapes. She was slightly too thin. I was compelled to go over to her, I wanted to ensure her that this would be a good place for her. She caught me looking at her, and our mutual gaze halted her just long enough for a nurse to sedate her. She collapsed in the nurses arms, and they put her in a wheel chair.

"Mr. Cullen, sorry about that, I hope it doesn't scare you off. Your room is right over here." Dr. Cope interrupted my thoughts, completely unsurprised by the girl. I nodded and headed into the small room, it was about as comfortable as a barrack. Great.

I put the few things I was allowed to have away and sat on the stiff bed. I tried to zone out, but all I could think about was that strange girl. I had so much pity for her, she looked battered, and broken. I had to find out what happened to her.

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A/N: Just so there's no confusion. This story will not entirely or even mostly take place in an institution. I hate to beg for reviews, it's not my style. But I'm curious if I should continue with this one. It's been so long since I wrote a fic! But it's Summer and I have nothing to do. Will be another chapter out tomorrow. Peace and Love

-Aces.


	4. Chapter 3

I'm not Stephenie Meyer

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I relished in the blackness for an insurmountable amount of time. Eventually, my limbs feel like Jelly and the light is barely starting to seep through again. I try to open my eyes, but I can't. I try to speak, but I can't. That's when I realize that there is a tube invading my throat. Confusion and soreness are the only two things I can feel.

"She's starting to wake up. I'll go get the nurse." Someone said in an unfamiliar voice. It must be a doctor of some sort. I must be in a hospital, which means I didn't die. At this point I'm entirely unsure if that's what I wanted or not. Am I relieved to be in a hospital, or am I disappointed? For a brief moment hope flickers through my mind as it's quickly silenced by turmoil I try to raise my hands to maybe pull this annoying tube out of my throat. But I'm stuck. Restraints? My eyelids are flickering involuntarily. I don't know how I survived that fall, and mostly, I still don't know if I'm happy or sad about it. Everything about that day was a blur, and I remembered it only as one would remember a movie.

"Bella? Oh, Bella!" I could hear my dad's voice cry. I still can't respond. Guilt burns through me like a cigarette on a cheap sofa. I knew my father would be anguished by my actions, but never had I imagined I would have to be around to witness it. My whole body is sore. I can't really tell if it's because of jumping off of a cliff, or if it's because of what Sam did to me. Humiliation fills me to the brim, and I wonder if my father knows about what happened with Sam. He can never know, not in my whole life. If I can protect him from one thing it would be that one morsel of knowledge that I knew would destroy him. I can feel someone approaching me and I'm nervous about my inability to move or open my eyes for more that a few moments. I feel safer, knowing my father is in the room. Suddenly the tube in my throat is being yanked out. "Cough," an authoritative but sweet voice commands. My eyes fly open and I gasp to breath on my own for the first time in and immeasurable amount of time. My eyes take in the light right over my head and I forced them to close tightly.

The room fills with deafening silence and I know everyone is waiting for the right words to be spoken by someone. I slowly mustered up the courage to open my eyes again, cautiously as to let them adjust to the painful light. I can hear my father take in a shaky breath laced with anxiety, relief, pain. I can't look at him. "How long have I been out?" I ask to the ceiling, still too cowardly to face my small audience.

"Two days." A voice responds. I turn my head slightly to the left. My eyes meet with a dark skinned middle aged man. He wore a crooked tie, and a friendly smile. It made me uneasy. "What happened?" I asked, hoping to gain some information on what is already known. "Why don't you tell us what you remember, and we will try to fill in the rest." The doctor prompted me. He wasn't giving me the chance to be evasive and I had a sickening feeling in my stomach that he was on to my tactic.

"Last thing I remember was falling into the water. Who got me out? How did they find me?" I left out as much as I could. Finally able to look at my father, I could see he looked exhausted. His hair greasy, eyes bloodshot, clothes wrinkles, and the whisper of an unkempt beard attempting to make its way to the surface. "Jake saw your truck drive up to the top of that cliff, he said you seemed upset when you left. He decided to follow you up there, and check on you," he paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts and his emotions "and he found the note in your truck. That boy dove in right after you. Why on God's green Earth would you do this, Bella?!" He finally asked exasperated. "Dad, I can't...I don't know." I stumbled to find the right words. I couldn't tell him about what happened on the reservation. It was just the straw the broke the camel's back on top of years of misfortune and loss.

"Sam came to see you." My dad mentioned, changing the subject. Typical Charlie Swan, afraid of emotion. His phobia of facing things head on would benefit me in this conversation, and I was appreciative. However, the mention of his name ripped a hole in my chest wide open. I did my best not to let it reach my face. I couldn't let my dad suspect anything, if Sam came by then my dad obviously didn't know. _I guess it isn't routine to run a rape kit on suicide cases. _I thought to myself with disgust.

"If he comes back, tell him to go away. He an I are over." I said curtly, knowing I wouldn't get much argument from my dad. I couldn't say too much without getting worked up, and my dad wouldn't ask. "He brought you some flowers," Charlie began, and I cut him off. "Throw. Them. Away." I managed to squeak out through gritted teeth. I could feel rage bubbling up within me, and all I wanted was a hot shower to remove his filth.

I wanted to run far away, but I noticed the restraints again. Feeling held down filled me with unadulterated fear. "And get these off of me!" I wailed, shaking them violently hoping for some slash. The friction burned at my wrists and if I shut my eyes I could swear they were his hands again. "Bella," a mock soothing voice cooed from the doctor's mouth. "We need to explain a few things to you, you need to try to relax." he pleaded.

"Who the hell are you, anyway!" I shouted, looking for my father to back me up. In a complete fury that he wasn't helping me get out of these straps. I felt so betrayed. In that moment I knew that I deeply regretted my miraculous recovery from my jump.

"Bella, honey. This is Dr. Grenady. He's the head of the psychiatric ward. He's here to help you." My father tells me, and there's a strange quality to his voice that I can't place.

"Head of the what?" I asked in a panic. My luck was unbelievable. And I was unashamed of my self-pity. "Bella, it's a state requirement that when someone comes into the hospital after a suicide attempt they be kept for 72 hours minimum, or until they aren't an immediate threat to themselves or others," Dr. Grenady explains. Tears well up in my eyes and flow down my cheeks, the embarrassment and vulnerability I felt as a result of my inability to cover myself was torturous. "Bella, this could be a good thing for you. I know you never really dealt with Tanya-" My dad tried to reason. "Don't mention her to me ever again!" I shouted. My father, the king of avoiding problems was going to commit me and use the excuse that I need to come to terms with the skeletons in my closet?

"Bella, I love you, I refuse to lose you like this." My father said firmly, and the hole in my chest throbbed in sync with my heartbeat that I had willed to stop just a few fateful days ago.

"Bella, we're going to take you back now. You will be meeting with a therapist alongside having group therapy, and the experience should only be beneficial for you." The doctor said formally. It took all I had not to spit at him, but I knew I'd have to fake to get out in the minimum time frame. "Mr. Swan, it's probably best if you let us take it from here." Dr. Grenady said to my Dad as a fresh wave of panic washed over me. He couldn't leave me all alone tied down next to some strange man. "Dad!" I shouted, "Don't leave me here, please. I promise I will go to therapy or do whatever you want just don't leave me here!" A tear escaped his eye, trickling down to trace the hardened features of his face. "I love you Bella, trust that I'm only doing this because I want you to get better." He said harshly. He put his hand on my shoulder briefly and I tried to plead with his silently one last time, before he turned, and walked out of the room.

"I'm going to undo the restraints now, Miss Swan." Dr. Grenady spoke calmly to me, yet it did little to settle my nerves. "You're going to have to remain calm while we admit you to your room. We want this to be as painless as possible. This is solely for your benefit." He reasoned with me and I tried my hardest not to bolt out of the door. My wrists relished in the cool air as he undid the uncomfortable straps. He helped me into a wheelchair, I didn't appreciate his touch or the pain that racked my entire body as I was forced to move for the first time.

I managed to keep my breathing under control as we took the trip down a few hallways into the ward. "Very good, Bella. Everything is going to be alright." he coaxed. It managed to comfort me for a fraction of a second. I could feel my heart speeding up as we grew closer to my destination. It seemed to be taking a painstakingly long time. As soon as we came into the hall where the rooms were, unbridled anxiety came over me. My breathing became erratic and I felt like I might die.

Dr. Grenady started to turn into my room and I instinctively shot out of my wheelchair. "NO!" I shouted. The surrounding nurses were quick to respond. I was surrounded as at least three pairs of hands were gripping me in an instant. The restraint caused me to flashback to Sam as another wave of anxiety came over my body. I tried my hardest to thrash against them and fight, but just like a couple of days ago, I was not strong enough. "I won't do it again I promise, I don't need to be here please don't make me stay here. PLEASE!" I begged.

I was beginning to gather a bit of an audience. I tried to zone out again, just like I had while I was being attacked. I caught a man staring at me from the other end of the hallway. He was trying to keep the shock off his face, but I saw right through him. His green eyes blazing, wondering what kind of place he had been brought to, just like me. _We're all crazy_ I thought. Just as I began to notice the real turmoil behind this handsome stranger's pensive eyes, I felt a slight stinging sensation in my arm and I was in the blackness yet again.

I woke up some hours later in a bleak, white room. I wasn't restrained for once, thankfully. I made my way to the door and found that I couldn't open it. I knocked lightly on it and a few moments later a nurse walked in, followed by a different doctor than the one I had met earlier. "I'm Dr. Cope." She smiled as she took a seat next to me and handed me a glass of much needed water. "How are you feeling this morning, I know yesterday was really rough on you. It won't be held against you, and I want you to know it's completely normal." She said, trying to gain my trust. "I'll be working with your during your stay here. We have a group therapy session in a couple of hours if you would like to start there. If not, we can bypass that for the day and you can wait until our individual session later on if you'd prefer." She explained.

"I'd like to start as soon as possible, bypassing nothing." I said more harshly than I had intended. I knew if I wanted to get out of here I was going to have to play the game. Pretend therapy was a real science and that I was all better. I scoffed internally, not realizing what I even had to look forward to after getting out other than my own bed. "I think that's great." She smiled broadly. Oh, she was good.

The couple of hours before the group session that I was dreading took forever. I was allowed to shower finally, with a nurse watching of course. The shower was still a relief, and softened the unrelenting pain both inside and outside. I felt like I had chipped away at the film Sam left all over my entire body. I wanted to grab something and scrub my whole body raw and bloody, but it would be too difficult while I was being watched like a hawk.

I took some pills, without asking what they were. _Just gotta play the game_ I repeated to myself. I saw the circle of chairs being arranged in the large front room while they were filled with several people. I felt my stomach drop and the familiar burning sensation in my chest of where he had left a hole in me. I walked over with my head down, not wanted to see if anyone was paying attention to the newcomer. I grabbed for the back of an empty chair as it was quickly swiped from my grasp.

"I apologize, here, you take it." A deep voice rang out, I looked up to see the man from the hallway the previous day. I felt myself turn crimson, unable to speak at all. "No, that's alright." I managed to muster out before taking a chair clear across the circle from him. His stare at me was unrelenting as I shifted uncomfortably and tried to hide myself behind my mess of hair. I couldn't read his face. Was he angry with me, sad because of his own life. The only thing I could really tell from his face was that he was absolutely beautiful, and beautiful men were dangerous.

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A/N: Please review! I am hoping to put a new chapter out on Saturday, Sunday at the latest. Thanks for reading. Peace and Love

-Aces


	5. Chapter 4

I'm not Stephenie Meyer.

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"I ran away from home when I was only 14" a short haired brunette started. She said her name was Bree. "I started doing things I wasn't proud of to support myself, eventually it became too much for me so I ended up here." She was petite and pretty, with a few scars hindering the skin on her arms. I knew what they were from, I had tried it myself. I never managed to scar, though. I guess I didn't have the pain threshold for it. Group therapy was a clusterfuck of damaged people. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to be supportive of them when all I could do was count the seats until it was my turn. My heart was pounding in my ears. _Just have to play the game_ I repeated my mantra to myself. I was lost in thought, focusing on getting my breathing under control when I heard that vaguely familiar deep voice.

"I'm Edward." He spoke nervously to the group. He looked around the circle, it didn't go unnoticed that his eyes lingered on me longer than anyone else. I didn't take care of myself the way I used to, and it seemed others had started to notice how grungy and unattractive I was. I had to look away, making a curtain with my hair as I often times did. "It's your first day, you don't have to say any more than you're comfortable with." Dr. Cope cut in, noticing his nervousness. "No, it's alright." He spoke formally, with a little bit more confidence.

"I'm a Marine," he started "Or a veteran, actually. I used to be a marine. I was injured in combat and my best friend sacrificed himself for me." He spoke too fast toward the end, and you can tell he was just trying to get it out, and get it over with. He was a tough guy, like many military men before him. A slight twinge of shame at admitting why he was fucked up laced his voice, but it never faltered. looks of shock and sadness went around the room. I did my best to keep my own face composed out of fear that he would glance my way again. He made me so uneasy. My own heart ached for him, I had watched my best friend die, too. I couldn't look at his face as he recounted the story, I was sure it would mirror my own.

"I've been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and it gives me terrible dreams." His voice begins to waver again; I have a compulsion to take his hand, and tell him that I lost my best friend also, right in front of me. His voice returned snapping me out of it. "The Veteran's Association wasn't very helpful, so I decided to check in here, and see if it will aid me in getting over it." He finally finished his introduction. "Thank you, Edward. That was a very big step you took, you should be proud of yourself." Dr. Cope said sweetly. I finally found the courage to look up and move my hair out of my eyes. He was still looking at me, studying me. He would occasionally glance at the others. Every girl in the circle was gawking at him openly. If they wanted him to notice them, all they had to do was look like a train wreck like me. That got his attention.

Several different voices mumbled off in the distance about their problems as I zoned out, trying to think of anything else than what took place a few days before and the sad stories being laid out in front of me. If anything it was a humbling experience, as much as I hated to admit it. I had lived the last year of my life wallowing in self-pity, thinking all other problems were unparalleled to my own. I was replaying every bad thing that had ever happened to me in my head. My mother, Tanya, Sam, and failing that day on the cliff. _Thanks Jake _ I thought spitefully.

I wasn't sure how long I had been out of it when the girl next to me nudged me eliciting a loud and embarrassing gasp. "You're up." she whispered rudely. I glanced up, all eyes on me, including his. Those piercing green eyes were long awaiting my response, he was clearly so filled with curiosity. He wanted to know my business and that infuriated me, I just wanted out of the hospital. This strange man be damned _Edward_ my mind reminded me. "Take your time" Dr. Cope broke into my thoughts bringing me back to reality, harsh, harsh reality. "Why don't you just start with your name?" she coaxed me to say something.

"I'm Bella." I choked out focusing on my feet, covered in ratty tennis shoes with no laces, not even recognizing my own voice. I never excelled at public speaking, even though I was hoping to be a teacher or a librarian someday. School, college, life, seemed so far off as I sat in the hospital, just waiting for 72 hours to fly by and hopefully I could leave enough of an impression to get out. I was terrified to look up at the faces around me, but being the glutton for punishment I did anyway. Most of the people in the circle looked bored, and I felt less guilty for not listening to any stories but his. When my eyes landed on his, I immediately looked down again. I could tell he, like Dr. Cope, was expecting me to say more before letting me off the hook. _You have to play the game._

"I jumped off a cliff, and now I'm here." I whispered. In spite of myself I almost cried. I begged to myself _not now, not now, NOT NOW. Not in front of these people, the doctor...him._ My experiences over the past year had made me very efficient at turning off the water works. I had learned how to cope and act like nothing was wrong. I looked up at the man, Edward, again. He was so stiff in his chair he looked a foot taller. His face looked as if he was in pain. My pull to him terrified me, but I felt like we had so much in common. I wondered if he had ever considered taking his own life also. I know first hand that witnessing the tragic death of a loved one could lead one down that road. "Would you like to say more about that?" Dr. Cope chimed in.

"Not now, not today. I just-" I trailed off, out of words. "It's alright Bella, that's good for a first day. Many people say nothing." She assured me, a small crowd of people in the circle all agreed with her, and I wondered how long they had been trapped here. _How long will I be here?_ I wondered. My thoughts were punctuated by a lightning bolt of panic as I speculated on how many of the people in this circle had been brought for a 72 hour hold only to be forced to stay for months.

There were only two people in the circle after me, and then group therapy was over. Dr. Cope announced that there would be a few hours of "free time," like we were in a daycare. I noticed that some of the people from the circle walked right out the door after the session was over. "You can still come to these sessions on an out patient program." Bree told me. I nodded at her in acknowledgement. I decided to use my "free time" to just head back to my room, I wasn't interested in being around anyone. I turned on my heel and tried to escape unnoticed, which shouldn't be hard for me. Unfortunately, I felt a nonthreatening presence beside me. I assumed it was Bree, maybe she wanted to play cards or something, and I knew I would have to awkwardly find a way to decline somehow.

"The only other newcomer, huh? I'm Edward." He held out his hand. I looked at him quizzically, expecting the petite woman. I stared at his hand and left him hanging long enough for him to drop it, for which I was thankful. He tried to smoothly transition into his hair, but we both knew he had intended for me to take it. "No shoelaces I see." He said with no humor. I didn't want to be touched, not by a man. Not by a stunning man. I wanted to ignore him completely, but the devastation on his face as he recounted the story of war informed me I couldn't be rude. I didn't want friends, or family, or life. But I refused to be cruel.

"I guess they're afraid I'll hang myself. They have you on some ridiculous hold, too?" I said quietly. The pain flashed before his eyes again, and I could tell it was on my behalf and not his own. The thought of it made me sick. I wasn't worth feeling bad for.

"No, I checked myself in. I will probably be here just a few days. My dad works in this hospital, want me to give you a tip on getting out of here?" He offered, and for the first time in the longest time I could remember I was about to engage in a conversation I was actually interested in. I had to idly wonder what the son of a doctor was doing in the military. I didn't think people did it for honor anymore, just the poor man fighting the rich man's war. I decided not to ask. This talk was about to be all business, and I wasn't here to make friends.

"Any help would be appreciated." I told him honestly. He looked at me as he considered it for a moment. I wasn't sure why, but it seemed like he didn't want me out of hear. He was lost in his thoughts for a moment and I knew my eyes were pleading.

"When you do your individual sessions, say that you think group therapy is beneficial, and promise to do it on an out patient basis." He started. I was mentally taking notes. "Really open up to Dr. Cope, who knows, in your scheme to get out, you may accidentally actually get better." he said half joking, half scolding. His second piece of advice was rude, and presumptuous.

"I appreciate the advice, but I have no intention of ever coming back to this god forsaken place. Also, don't worry about my mental health. You apparently have your own problems to work out." I said to him, and instantly regretted it. His face fell, his full lips pressed themselves into a hard line. He clenched his hands into fists, and I recoiled slightly. _Is he going to hit me? _I thought. "I'm sorry," I mustered out. "I'm on edge, I'm sure you can understand." I tried to verbally sooth him, I wasn't looking to get assaulted.

"Why do you look afraid of me?" He asked exasperated, and took a deep breath. He ran his fingers through his bronze hair again. The conversation had suddenly gotten very uncomfortable. He was so brazen, and I hadn't expected to be called out on my reaction. I didn't even know he would notice.

"You're bigger than me." I pointed out. "You could do damage." I said to both of us. I had to remind myself that men were dangerous. I wouldn't go down that road again, possibly ever. He looked pained again, he had to look like that all the time. I wondered how much it tortured the people around him. I wore that look for a while, and thought maybe I could give him some advice also on looking normal on the outside. He really needed to get used to acting. I still wanted that look off his face, I didn't like it, and it made my heart ache. "I'm afraid a lot, don't take it personally. Like I said, I'm on edge." I repeated. It was the most honest thing I had said in a while.

He forced his face to return to normal. "It's alright, everyone here is on edge I would think." He said with a crooked smile. It took my breath away and it terrified me. "So are you really going back to your room, or do you want to go find something to do? I have my individual therapy session in about an hour, maybe go to your room after that. Keep me company." He said hopefully.

"No, thanks." I said and I felt slightly guilty. "I really need to relax, I'm not much for socializing." I admitted. His face fell a little bit. The last thing I needed was this strange man to be drawn to me. It was unnecessary, and he probably wasn't a nice guy. If he was a nice guy, letting him befriend someone as fucked up as me would be cruel. Making friends is not part of the game, and I just needed to get out.

"Suit yourself, you know where to find me if you get bored." He said, I watched him walk all the way back to the common area and sit down alone. I almost went to him, and went back on my word. I thought maybe some interaction might make the time pass faster. I had to break out of that, I needed to look out for one person and one person only while I was trying to get out. And that was me.

I went to my room, still filled with a little bit of regret, he looked so sad sitting alone, but it wasn't my problem. I sat down on the mattress, and thought about the last few days of my life. Such a mess. Such a wreck. I let myself cry it out for a long while, until I fell asleep.

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**Hey guys! Hope you liked the new chapter. Up next: More Edward. I don't hold reviews as collateral for posting, I post when the chapters are done, and that's that. However, reviews are always greatly appreciated! Thanks to those who have reviewed so far and thanks in advance to new readers/reviewers to this story. I try to post at least a few chapters a week. Expect the next one in the next couple days. Peace and Love**

**-Aces**


	6. Chapter 5

**I'm not Stephenie Meyer**

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Group therapy was a personal nightmare. There were only about 8 people in our block of the hospital. Almost everyone's story broke my heart, and I found myself wondering again if I was pathetic. I knew group wasn't supposed to be a pissing contest, but I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that I wasn't exactly messed up enough to be in the hospital. The knowledge that I could walk out the door any moment made every minute seem like an hour.

I had to stop myself from jumping out of my chair when Tyler, one of the members in group who wasn't checked into the hospital told his story. His eyes were burning holes through Bella as he recounted that he liked to prey on people weaker than him, almost smugly. He was completely candid about his abusive tendencies but that he was trying to _work on them_. I wanted to put myself between the two of them, I felt oddly protective of this strange woman. I could tell by looking at her that she was weak emotionally and physically. She seemingly hadn't heard Tyler's disgusting tales as she looked down at her unlaced shoes. I could tell she was trying hard to keep her face neutral as I was forced to speak myself.

I gave little detail about the day Mike died, I figured if I had to revisit that it may be something better for individual therapy. The military strongly discouraged talking about specific events that didn't end in a victory to citizens, so the glorification of war could continue. Bella looked on sympathetically and it seemed my story was the only one she would actually listen to. _Great. _As soon as I was finished she went back to looking at her shoes. When the circle finally got to her, the girl sitting next to her nudged her. She tensed to the point of looking like a statue on the brink of shattering. She gasped loudly and for a brief moment had a wild look in her eyes as it became evident that she was somewhere else in her mind, somewhere she didn't want to be. I had to hold myself to my seat not to run over to her and assure her that she would be alright.

She didn't say much of anything, only informing the group that she was brought here because she jumped off of a cliff. I was shocked. I had tried my hardest not to assume anything about why she was here, but I never considered she may have tried to end her life. I had to find out what happened to this beautiful girl to make her want to put a stop to her existence. I listened intently, but she offered nothing else about it.

Group was done shortly after she spoke and we were told it was "recreation" time. She tried to high-tail it back to her room before anyone could engage her in anything. I contemplated following her for a moment, knowing it was a bad idea, but I couldn't resist. As I walked up to her I had conjured up this fantasy that she would befriend me, and that I could help her. That was not the case, she ensured that our exchange was kept brief, declining the invitation to join me out in the rec room.

I went back to the common area defeated, counting down the minutes until I could do my individual therapy just to have something to keep me occupied. I was hoping no one would come up to me, but alas, I had never been a lucky individual.

"She's hot." I heard a man chuckle beside me, I turned to see Tyler.

"Excuse me?" I asked, knowing already that he was talking about Bella. I felt anger starting to bubble up within me, one of the main things I needed to address in therapy. My father had raised me and Emmett not to speak about women like that. Of course, with our friends was one thing, but a random stranger? Never.

"Cute Brunette, kinda skinny. The cliff diver" he laughed again "I saw you get shot down in the hallway, tough break." he said as if we were palling around. I clenched my hands into fists as I tried to focus on my breathing. I would no longer be a voluntary patient if I knocked this asshole out. I gave him a stern look to urge him to stop talking.

"Aren't you not even checked in here?" I spat. "I think you're supposed to leave after group, and not concern yourself with the happenings in here." I informed him. The voice I was using usually sufficed to get people to stop, but not this one. I was on a mission to keep this man away from her. If I scared her, how would she feel being approached by this man who obviously had sick intentions.

"Girls like that are what keep me coming back. The damaged ones are always the easiest." He looked over to Bree and she gave him a sly smile. "That one," he said nodding over toward Bree, "she's been in and out of here for about a year. We have a lot of fun between stints." He sent her a wink, causing her to blush. Before I knew it I was out of my seat seething at him. _He did say he had a problem with preying on the weak._

"Get out of here." I said, unsure of what I would do if he stuck around much longer. I didn't like his intentions with Bella, I didn't like that he had already made that sweet girl Bree a victim. I didn't like any men that treated women like that.

He again seemed unphased by my stance. He sent a cocky shrug my way, as he took off toward the hallway. I didn't know if he was headed to Bella's room, or if he was going to heed my advice. He had to pass her room to get to the exit. I tried momentarily to tell myself that she could probably take care of herself, but I failed, and followed him down the hallway. I was relieved to see that he went past her room without so much as a glance, but I went to her door anyway. I could hear her sobs through the paper-thin walls, and it took everything in me not to open her door and make sure she was alright. It wasn't my place, and I didn't even know her. She had made it abundantly clear that she didn't want to befriend me.

I turned on my heels to head back to the room when I was just a few inches from Dr. Cope's face. "Edward, I was just looking for you. It's time for your individual session." she said as she looked quizzically between Bella's door and me. I nodded in acknowledgment as I followed her back to her office. It was comfortable and very clean. The tastefully subtle reminded me of my parent's house, and I yearned to go back there and be out of this place. But I knew I had already decided not to check myself out until a certain mysterious brunette was checked out as well. I had told her to agree to go back to group, my advice wasn't completely a lie, but I had to admit to myself that my motive for telling her that was so that I could ensure seeing her once a week. _I'm definitely crazy enough to be here._

"Why don't you take a seat." Dr. Cope suggested kindly. I sat down in a comfortable brown chair and took a deep breath. I wasn't sure how this worked, or who was supposed to speak first. I eyed a pack of generic cigarettes on her desk, and my desire for an old habit was calling to me like fine brandy to an alcoholic. "Would you like one?" She asked, noticing my interest.

"Yes, please." I said, knowing it would make talking easier. What the hell. I pulled out the white stick and placed it gently in my mouth, she handed me a lighter and I set the delicate end ablaze. I took a long pull, while she stared at me with patience, clearly trying her best to make me comfortable before she spoke again.

"So how are you feeling so far about your stay here?" She asked generically.

"Fine." I answered shortly, I had to remind myself that honesty was key. "Actually it's a little hard to force myself to be here, when I know I can walk out the door any minute." I took another gluttonous pull of the cigarette. "Mostly because of the boredom. But partly because I feel like most of the people here are considerably more unstable than I am, and maybe I didn't need to go to such extreme measures." I finished my answer. She nodded and smiled.

"That's not an uncommon reaction from someone who is here voluntarily." She started, not giving me the answer I needed. I was kind of expecting her to stroke me ego, I wanted her to assure me that I was, in fact, not as nuts as some of the others. "So then what's keeping you here?" She prompted.

_Bella. _"I just know I need to stick with something when I start it. I've barely been here 24 hours, and this is my first session." I explained. It was a half truth at least. That _should_ be my motivation.

"I commend you for your attitude towards this situation, many people, particularly military men, don't like to seek help." She complimented. "Why don't you tell me a little about your family, and your life growing up." She asked.

"My Dad is a doctor as you probably know, and my mom does freelance interior design. I have a sister and a brother, we get along great, they're my best friends." I answered shortly, this was a small town and she worked with my Father, I didn't think it was necessary to give a full description, but the look on her face told me otherwise, encouraging me to continue.

"I grew up in Chicago, I wanted for nothing. I had a good childhood with little trauma, unlike most it seems. I was never in much trouble in school, had good grades. I had a tight-knit group of friends in high school, and the military has been my life from then until now." I wanted to cut to the chase, and I was afraid she wouldn't let me.

"How did you come to the decision to join the military." She asked, sliding the pack of cigarettes to me again, I hadn't even noticed I was done with the first one. I took a deep breath, suddenly regretting my impatience to get to the point of why I was here, but I knew I had to do it eventually.

"Mike was my best friend all throughout school." I began, taking a shaky breath as a flood of fond memories came to mine. "He was a bit of a trouble maker," I chuckled. "there was no way he was going to get into college like me, and he decided to join up. He came to me one day and explained the process of enlisting under the buddy system." Dr. Cope was listening intently as I took a small break to ash my cigarette.

"I had divulged to him some time before that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life yet, but there was no way my parents would support me in just taking some time to myself before starting school. My dad wanted...wants..me to be a doctor just like him. I still haven't ruled it out, but at the time I just wanted to know what path I wanted to take before making such a big life decision. I was terrified I would go to college and study something just to appease my parents and then be stuck in a career I hated for the rest of my life." I admitted, returning to old fears. "So I enlisted with him, secretly declining all admittance letters from colleges, and didn't tell my family until about a week before I was ready to leave for basic. Which I regret." I sighed heavily releasing a cloud of smoke.

"Can you tell me why you regret it?" She asked, and I almost felt like I was done for the day. The exhaustion of just knowing I would have to get to the worst part soon enough riddled my body and mind.

"I regret it because I feel like it was cowardly. I was already an adult, I enlisted knowing full well that I wouldn't get a happy reaction from my family, particularly because no one knew I was even considering it." I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. I immediately stopped the action as I remembered Mike giving me shit about wearing my heart on my sleeve, and that he could always tell when I was frustrated or annoyed when I did that. "I didn't give my family or my girlfriend any time to ease into the idea before I was just gone. My sister took it the hardest, she cried almost non stop from the time I announced I had joined until the time I left." I smiled weakly.

"But I promised her I would return safely. Thanks to Mike, I did." I finished, hoping this session was almost over.

"Let's not get into that just yet, Edward." Dr. Cope broke in, sensing my discomfort. "I'd like to talk more about before you joined. Tell me about this girlfriend, are you still together?" She asked, and she seemed slightly hopeful that we were.

"No, we split shortly after I left. She sent me a letter while I was on my first tour in combat effectively ending things." I answered shortly, not seeing what the relevance of some girl I hadn't thought about in years could be.

"Tell me about her." she urged me to continue, and frankly, I was glad we weren't getting into the day of the attack just yet.

"I feel kind of bad about it now, but she was much more serious about me than I was about her. Her name was, or still is I guess, Lauren. She was really good friends with Alice, my sister. She still is friends with her, unfortunately. She was nice enough in the beginning and pretty. I didn't have a girlfriend before her, and I haven't had one after her. But I can still see that the relationship wasn't all that healthy." I explained. It was strange for me to talk about her, even though I didn't have any residual feelings.

"Is a healthy relationship with a woman something you want out of life?" She asked, and I couldn't really tell where she was going with this.

"I guess eventually. I see how happy my siblings are, they're both in strong, good, healthy relationships. I trust my sister's boyfriend to take care of her, and I trust my brother's girlfriend to put him in his place when he needs it." I chuckled. "I'm not in a place where I could be in a relationship I don't think, but I have recently begun to think about settling down, now that I am out of the military and can actually participate in a relationship." I admitted sheepishly. I hadn't thought all that much about girls in that way. I wasn't into the bar scene, walking around too much and dancing hurt my leg.

"Well Edward, I think you've given me enough for the day. We'll have another session tomorrow." She smiled. I put my cigarette butt in the ash tray and walked out without so much as another word, feeling awkward about the direction of that conversation.

I made my way back to the rec room and saw Bella sitting on the couch reading a book. I decided to try again to strike up conversation. I had never been one of those annoyingly persistent men before now, and I was slightly ashamed, but the curiosity was killing me.

"I see you decided to join us." I smiled brightly at her, as she looked up from her book. Her eyes were still slightly red and puffy.

"They said I'm not allowed to stay in my room during rec time, it encourages 'anti-social' behavior." She replied venomously. Obviously not happy about the revelation.

"I actually came over here to see if you were doing alright, I heard you...in your room earlier." I said quietly, wary of her reaction. I had initially planned not to mention it to her, but couldn't resist.

"I'm fine. I just want to get out of here. I need to go home, this is torture." She said in a shaky voice, I could see her eyes well up with tears that threatened to spill over. For just a few seconds she was vulnerable to me, and I placed my hand gently on her shoulder. "Don't." she warned looking at my hand. The mask was back on, and suddenly she looked as if she didn't have a care in the world. She was very good at this. I reluctantly pulled my hand back.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted to see if you were alright. Do you want to sit with me at dinner tonight?" I asked, staring intently into her deep brown eyes. Several emotions passed through them, and I could see that at least one of them was excitement.

"I don't understand you." she finally spoke, breaking our gaze as she looked at her delicate hands in her lap. "Anyone in this place would be more than happy to sit with you, why me?" She looked up again, her face painted with utter confusion.

"I'm not sure, you just seem like the most normal person in here." It was the best answer I could come up with that was true and not creepy. "It's not like I'm asking you out of a date, I just want to sit with you at dinner, then no one else will bug you or me." I tried to appeal to what I knew she wanted.

"I _know _you would never ask me out on a date." She whispered, blushing furiously. I decided that now was not the time to tell her that I probably would, actually.

"That's not what I meant." I answered shortly. "So what do you say?" I was pleading for an answer, she hadn't shot me down immediately and that left me hopeful. The anticipation of her answer was killing me almost as much as her relentless chewing on her full bottom lip was as she mulled it over.

"I say, I don't think it could hurt. You need to know I'm not a good friend to have, though." She finally gave me relief, but I could tell she was nervous about her answer. Something was holding this girl back and I just wanted to know what it was, but I could sense that I couldn't push her.

"I'll be the judge of that." I decided not to go further into it.

"Suit yourself." She said, as she got up immediately when Dr. Cope walked in the room to collect her for her own session.

This was going to be a very long few hours until dinner.

* * *

**New chapter coming soon, Probably Sunday. I'm officially making Sunday an update day, as it's the best for my schedule I'm a little disappointed in the lack of reviews, they're always appreciated and I do read them and even heed advice from them. Up next: Bella's therapy session and Dinner with Edward. **


	7. Chapter 6

**I'm not Stephenie Meyer**

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The sleek clock on the wall of the individual counseling room was deafening as it ticked every. Single. Second. The modern feel of the room made my heart ache to go home to my Dad's house. It was homey with its mismatched furniture and little bit of clutter that manifested faster than I could clean thanks to my dad and all his fishing magazines.

"Do you prefer Isabella, or Bella?" Dr. Cope asked, she already knew the answer but she had to break the ice somehow.

"Bella, please." I informed her needlessly in my most formal voice. If I ever had to act my way out of something, this was it. I knew I needed to sound normal, and calm, and no matter what I had to try not to cry. I recalled Edward's advice on how to get out of here, and for that I was grateful.

"So, Bella, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself." As if she could be more ambiguous. I was never a great conversationalist, something I inherited from my dad.

"Um" I stammered nervously, "what do you want to know?" I prompted her, her expression softened and I could tell she was going to give me a little more to go on.

"Tell me a little bit about life growing up for you." she decided, seemed generic enough, I decided I could probably fake my way out of this one rather effectively.

"There's not much to tell, I grew up here in Forks with my Dad from the time I was 7. I don't have any siblings, so for as long as I can remember it's just been us two. My childhood was relatively easy, we were always comfortable, I didn't have much, but I never went without something I needed." I tried to sum it up as best as I could, praying it would be enough.

"And what about your mother?" of course it wouldn't be enough, she waited patiently for me to collect my thoughts, and I wasn't sure how I would avoid this one. I had to give as little information as possible while still pretending to participate. I had less than 48 hours left before I would be told whether or not I was free to go, I wanted to know as soon as possible, but wasn't sure how to approach that without making it obvious that freedom was all I could ever hope to get out of this therapy.

"There's not much to say about her, I haven't seen her since I moved in with my Dad. She got involved in some bad things, and luckily my dad had the wherewithal to petition her for custody. She didn't put up much of a fight, and even though she was granted visitation, she never used it." I was still taken aback by her question, I had honestly quite forgotten about the whole concept of a mother.

"I'm very sorry to hear that." Dr. Cope said as she passed me a box of tissues, as if my shitty mother was the worst thing to happen to me. She would get no tears from me, not today.

"I haven't even thought about her in a very long time." I explained as a coolly slid the tissue box back. Hopefully Dr. Cope would take that as a sign of sanity, that I wouldn't refuse to break down over something that had happened over a decade prior.

"Well Bella, with a normal patient I would usually not get into things to at such an excelled pace. However, since you are on a hold, I have to determine whether or not you are a harm to yourself, and I only have two days to do so." She began, never taking her eyes off of me. It was clear that she was constantly assessing me, waiting for me to break. "So tell me, what you were thinking about that day?" She asked gently.

I knew this was it, it was time to fake it. Everything that happened with Sam flashed into my head, and I knew I had to lie. That could never get out, that was a secret I was sure to take to the grave. "It was the one year anniversary of my best friend's death, and I broke up with my..." I gulped, the word making me sick "_boyfriend..._unexpectedly. I wasn't really sure what happened, I just ended up on the cliff and I jumped. It was a very overwhelming day." I responded as calmly as I could, though the tears still threatened to spill over. She silently slid the tissue box back to me, and I happily accepted this time.

"Can you tell me about your friend?" she prompted sweetly, and I wished Jake hadn't drug me out of my watery grave.

"You've probably heard about her." I scoffed, and I realized I had to keep up the charade. "Tanya Denali, she was all over the news, when she died. She was pregnant, killed herself on the top of her mother's work building." I said as numbly as possible. I was making good use of the tissues as Dr. Cope nodded, clearly waiting for me to calm down a bit before delving into it.

"That's right." She said, and it became clear to me that she didn't know the two of us were connected. I didn't care, as long as this deflected from her asking me about Sam. "And were you the friend that was up there with her that day?" She asked, everyone in Forks knew every detail of the tragic story. It was the most excitingly morbid thing that had ever happened to the dreary town.

"Yes, I was." I whispered through the tears that I had given up on trying to avoid.

"That must have been very hard for you." She said, I was hoping that the subject would change. I glanced up at that loud, stupid clock. _Tick tick tick _it mocked me, indicating I was only barely halfway done with this torture.

I drew in a deep breath. "More than anyone could ever know." I said, and I was shocked by my own honesty. I wasn't sure if she would see it as a good thing or a bad thing. I just wanted to sleep in my own bed, and make my dad dinner, and go back to normal.

"Do you feel guilty?" She asked and suddenly I saw red. I was angry at this whole situation. Why the hell was I there in that stupid room?

"Of course I do!" I shouted. "If you were two seconds too late from grabbing your best friend from jumping off a building, how would you feel!" I continued to yell. Suddenly, I calmed down. I was sure I had just damned myself to more time in that god forsaken hospital. _Shit_.

"Anyone would, your reaction is completely normal." She assured me, much to my surprise. I was sure she would have me sedated after my outburst. "It's good to show emotion about these things." She said, pleased somehow. I didn't really care how she felt about my reaction, so long as it wasn't lengthening my sentence. "However, you have to know, it wasn't your fault." she spoke softly.

I nodded, at a loss for words. I couldn't say I knew it wasn't my fault, but I had to make her think that I didn't think that.

"I think we have talked about her enough for today." Dr. Cope decided, and it was like music to my ears. "Let's talk a little bit about your stay here." she smiled, and I was hoping she would lead the conversation from here on out, since she probably had more to say about the fate of my stay than I did.

"How are you feeling about group? You did good for a first day today." She complimented. For a just a moment I could run out to the rec room and give Edward a giant hug for already providing my answer for me. _Thank you, Edward!_

"I liked group, it made me feel not so alone." I lied. "I noticed some of the people in group weren't checked into the hospital." I prompted, waiting for her to offer up the out patient care to me as soon as my 3 day hold was up.

"Yes, when you're checked out, you can choose to participate in both the group sessions and continue your sessions with me." She answered, and I saw it as my golden opportunity to make an impression.

"I think that would be a really good idea." I said with a little too much enthusiasm and I was sure she could detect it in my voice. For a split second, I'd wondered if Edward would be at these sessions, but quickly shoved the thought away.

"It usually makes the hospital and myself especially a little more comfortable about release when patients attend these meetings." She said exactly what I wanted her to, but I could see on her face there was a catch. "However," she started "if one doesn't show up to these meetings on a regular basis, I'm within my rights to call a welfare check on the patient at their home, and I will." She threatened. It was clear then that she saw right through me.

"Understandable." I tried to sound neutral as I nodded my head. I was sure, if she had threatened me with the consequences of not showing up, then surely she was planning on letting me leave, right?

"I think that's enough for today, Bella." Her friendly expression was back. "It's about time for dinner, and you did very well today. We'll talk more tomorrow about what we expect from you after your stay and go from there." She smiled, and I did too, though I was sure it looked forced.

"Thank you." I shook her hand, and left for the door a little too quickly.

I walked back into the rec room and Edward looked at me with a frown on his face. I decided to humor him and go sit next to him since I knew he would seek me out anyway.

"You've been crying again." he accused, and I didn't appreciate being called out for my emotional instability.

"Yep." I sighed. "I took your advice, I think it worked, but I think they're actually going to force me to come to those sessions." I shrugged, it seemed unimportant considering it was the alternative to staying in this place.

"Good." He smiled, but it failed to reach his eyes. "I'm probably going to check out soon and do the same." he confessed, and I wasn't comfortable with the shitty feeling in my stomach at the announcement of his departure.

"Oh." I said, and my voiced sounded much sadder than I wanted it to. As much as Edward had annoyed me, he did manage to be the only person I'd spoken to since I had been checked in. "It's a miracle you had the self control to stay here as long as you have." I said, hoping the encouragement would counteract my blatant disappointment at his admission. And then I realized it had really only been a little over a day.

"I won't leave until you do." He confessed, looking sheepish.

"Why the hell would you do that?" I spat, I wasn't a good person to get attached to, and I knew it. I had one lonesome butterfly in my stomach tickling me at his revelation.

"Because you need me." He chuckled and I scowled. I couldn't help but notice how beautiful his laugh was, and a laugh wasn't something you got a whole lot of in this place. His green eyes lit up beautifully, and his perfect teeth were on display.

"I don't need anyone." I said venomously, and as soon as it started, his laugh ended.

He took a deep breath and suddenly looked embarrassed, as if he had confessed too much. "Everyone need someone, Bella." He said quietly, and the butterfly returned in reaction to the way he said my name. It seemed as if he was saying that he needed someone more than he had expected me to, and I pitied him in that moment. I wanted so badly to trust him enough to let him be the person I needed and could lean on, but reality is harsh, and I couldn't let anyone in on my secrets.

"It's about dinner time." I changed the subject, hoping to get the pleading look out of his eyes. "I'm hungry and I believe we have a not date." I said, trying to be friendly, I could put being a loner on the back burner for just a moment if it meant that he would stop looking so sad. He flashed me the most devastatingly beautiful crooked grin and my heart fell into my stomach.

He held his hand out to me, and I begrudgingly took it. His touch wasn't as bad as I had expected, his grip was gentle and I almost enjoyed the feel of his calloused hands. I didn't want to admit to myself how perfectly our two hands fit together. He briefly stroked my hand with his thumb, but ceased when I involuntarily tensed up. Any girl would have been lucky to be holding hands with a man like Edward, but I couldn't bring myself to want it as much as I should. Not just a few days after I had been ruined for all men for the rest of my life. _Damaged goods_ my mind told me, and at that, I had to let go of his hand.

He seemed to not notice, since we were almost to the line to grab our trays. I put a few things on my plate, never having much of an appetite these days, and I noticed Edward was absolutely piling his plate with everything available. I couldn't figure out where he put it all, he wasn't a small guy. Tall, but lanky, with long lean muscles around his entire body, and couldn't help but appreciate the definition in his bicep as they tensed momentarily to pull out my chair for me. I muttered a thanks, and sat down.

As soon as he sat down, he started putting some of the food from his plate on to mine with a grin.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked angrily, trying to keep my voice down.

"You didn't get enough food, so I thought I'd help you out." It was clearly some kind of joke to him, and I was getting irritated.

"I eat plenty!" I defended. "Stop that!" I hissed as I grabbed his hand to stop him from putting even more food on my very full plate.

"They're watching every move you make, just so you know. They'll account your lack of appetite as a sign that you're not mentally ready to leave. And as I said, I can't leave until you do, so eat up. You're too thin." Over the last six months everyone had commented on the amount of weight I lost and not in a good way.

I did miss my old body, curvy in the all the right places. I had never enjoyed being too slim. I liked the way I looked more when I couldn't see my ribs and my hip bones, but I couldn't bring myself to eat, and who was I trying to impress anyway? I was suddenly embarrassed that Edward had noticed my boyish figure. He hadn't even seen how I looked before.

"If you don't like the way I look, look elsewhere." I said coldly and started to get up. He gently grabbed my forearm, and I sunk back down into my seat, the last thing that would help me get out of here would be making a scene.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. You have to know how beautiful you are." He said the last part a little lower, and looked away from me. My cheeks were on fire, and I was sure my blush was relentless. I was the most plain thing to ever grace the planet, and I wasn't sure why this man who looked like a Greek god was trying to flatter me.

"I can't eat much when I'm stressed out." I confessed, hoping to steer the conversation in almost any other direction. The amount of self consciousness I felt in that moment was almost unbearable. He didn't respond immediately, instead he just gestured toward my plate. I took a big bite, giving in.

"No need to be stressed out, you're going to get better. You need your strength to recover." He said, pointed at one of the darker bruises I had. I was unsure if it was from the fall or from Sam, I was covered in too many marks to know one from the other. "How did you get those anyway?" He pressed.

"I'm not sure. I bruise easy." I was trying to be a vague as possible. His look told me he was expecting more of an answer, and I hated that I was a shitty liar. I was going to have to get better. "From the fall I guess." I shrugged. His expression grew sad again.

"Why did you do that anyway?" I wasn't liking his game of twenty questions, and I certainly wasn't going to confide in him more than I would the therapist who was sworn to secrecy.

"That's a conversation for another time." My tone grew sharp and I disliked his reaction to it. There was something brooding about Edward, and I didn't want to be a source of more grief. "I'm really sorry about your friend, by the way." I changed the subject yet again. "I know what that's like more than you'd expect." I decided I'd give him just a small nugget of information to appease him for now.

"I don't think you do, but thank you." He answered sharply, and I was taken aback. His hands clenched into tight fists. He shut his eyes momentarily and breathed deeply through his nose. He repeated this motion a few times and his hands slowly opened again. "It's a sensitive subject." He said in apology. My heart ached for him more than it did for myself.

"I do understand, I saw someone very close to me..._die._" I hated that word. It was so final, I hated it more than I hated the term _passed away _it seems too peaceful to describe what happens when someone hits the pavement. I could see in Edward's eyes that he still didn't believe me, but I didn't want to turn this into a pissing contest. "Did you ever hear about Tanya Denali?" I whispered, and I knew he would know who I was talking about. He sat up a little straighter and leaned toward me, obviously pleased that I was willing to share more information.

"Yes, my father treated her mother for shock. I was deployed when it happened though. Sounds awful, her poor mother, and that poor girl who was up there with her." He shivered, and I hated that I was a faceless, nameless, local celebrity known only as _that poor girl. _Though it beat out being a local celebrity with my face and name Dad had convinced the people at the newspaper not to use my name in the numerous articles.

"I was the girl who was up there with her." I said quickly, like ripping off a band aid. Other than the few people I knew very well, most people had not been able to identify that girl as me. The rumor going around the town was that the person up there had been a random worker who followed Tanya up to the roof after noticing she was upset, and I never corrected them.

"Jesus." He muttered. "Is that why..." he trailed off.

"We aren't talking about that today." I reminded him. He nodded not wanting to push further, I had already given him far too much. "Most people don't know that I was the girl up there, so if it ever comes up even though it probably won't, please don't say anything." I pleaded.

"I won't say anything." He sighed. "So, can we talk about what happened someday? If not today?" He looked at me with such seriousness it made me nervous. His eyes were burning, and I felt guilty for holding his gaze longer than I should.

"I can't really promise that." I said honestly as disappointment dawned on him. "I don't really know you, after all." I reasoned with him.

"You can if you want to." He shrugged. "I'd _like _you to." he blushed only slightly at his admission.

"I have to be honest, I'm not great at the friendship thing, and believe me when I tell you...I am fucked up." I said, hoping it would scare him off, and that this irrational pull to him could stop more easily if he avoided me.

"So am I!" He laughed "why the hell do you think I had to check myself into this god-awful place." He said through his chuckles. I couldn't help it as I laughed lightly along with him.

"What a shitty place to look for a friend." I scolded him. I tried to control my breathing as he lightly placed his hand on top of mine.

"I disagree." He said, as his eyes bore into mine.

I was in deep, deep trouble.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much for those of you that have been reviewing, I appreciate it more than I can express. I'm sorry about the delay in updates. I decided to reread twilight to get a better handle on the personalities of the characters. To be honest, I haven't read it since it came out and kinda stopped being a fan with Breaking Dawn (I thought it was awful and way too perfect. NO CONFLICT!), and I enjoy reading twilight fanfics much more than I enjoy the originals, sorry twihards :/. Please review. They're almost out of the hospital and then the exciting part can begin!**


	8. Chapter 7

**I'm not Stephenie Meyer**

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After dinner with Edward, things between us had shifted. We were friends, and I hadn't had a friend since Tanya died except for Jake. I made it through my second day of group and individual therapy, just counting down the hours until my three day period was up. I felt selfish for letting Edward get close to me, but I needed him.

I continued to panic about whether or not I would be released. Edward assured me that I would likely be going home, so long as I promised to come to group. He also told me he would be at group as an outpatient visitor, too, which made me feel better about it. We spent most of that second day just talking to each other, learning mundane facts. He told me about his siblings, and that his father worked at the hospital.

He told me the story about how he came about joining the military with his best friend, and I relished in the happy look on his face as he grew nostalgic about the shenanigans he and Mike used to get into. I wondered why I couldn't look back on the good times with Tanya in that way. Edward talked and talked, not being offended when I didn't have much to offer. I managed to tell him a little bit about my Dad, and how much he loved fishing.

As much as I enjoyed the time with him, he was putting me on edge throughout the day. Edward was on to me, and he knew there was something more about the day I jumped than just the anniversary of Tanya's death. He was too intuitive for his own good. He would subtly push me to tell him, and I would refuse until he conceded, telling me another funny story from his childhood or adolescent years.

He terrified me. A few times I almost cracked, I almost told him about Sam and what happened on the reservation, but I had no way to ensure his secrecy. If my Dad ever found out, it would destroy him.

Dinner went the same as the rest of the day, and before I knew it, we were all being called to bed. Before I turned to my room Edward stopped me, and looked at me like he had something to say. Instead, he sighed, and ever so gently lifted the back of his knuckles to a bruise that was still across my jaw. A flicker of emotion rushed across his face, and the entire interaction must have only been a few seconds even though I felt as if I had been lost in the feeling of his hand against my face for hours.

"Goodnight, Bella." He half smiled, but there was something sad behind it. I mumbled goodnight back to him, and in a matter of minutes I was asleep.

_I was standing outside of the hospital, my prison, my home for a few days. Freedom was swallowing me whole in the best event of my life in the last year. I felt a chill rising up from behind me, and fear began to pulse its way through my veins. When I turned, I was met with the beautiful crooked smile and as quickly as the fear began, it dissipated. "We can start our lives now." His velvet voice rang out. _

"_We're free." I said. "We're better." I smiled up at him. He reached his large hand out to cup my face, and I basked in its warmth, a hand I could never be afraid of; Sworn to never harm me. "We make each other better, we make each other whole." He insisted, emerald eyes ablaze, and his signature grin prominent. I turned my face into his hand and inhaled his fresh scent. _

_I closed my eyes as I nuzzled into his touch. The feeling lasted a few wonderful moments, and then the touch changed. The smell went from Edward to stale cigarettes in a split second. The grip on my face became rough instead of gentle. When I opened my eyes, the hand that was before them was a russet color. _

_I dared to glance up, to see Sam standing before me. The fear quickly returned as I began to scream. "Help!" I shouted as the hand that I had imagined to be so comforting clamped over my mouth. "You will never be better!" Sam snarled at me. "You are mine! You are ruined!"I tried screaming again against his hand, just as a caught a glimpse of Edward over his shoulder. His eyes narrowed at me, he turned on his heel, and walked away. _

I woke drenched in sweat with nurses surrounding me, syringes in hand. My breaths were coming in quick gasps and I was choking on what little air I could manage to get into my lungs. Tears stung my eyes. "She's having a panic attack, we need to get a doctor in here!" One of the nurses shouted as another one ran to the emergency phone. I tried to insist that I was okay, that it was just a nightmare, but all that I could get past my lips was a strangled cry.

"Everyone get back to your rooms!" Another nurse shouted, bringing my attention to the threshold of my small room. A crowd of other patients had gathered and of course, right at the front, was Edward. He looked anguished and torn. His beautiful face was contorted with concern, but I was too focused on trying to breathe to be embarrassed. I locked eyes with him and he mouthed the word "breathe" to me. I felt my pulse gradually slow down then pick right back up again, the shouting of nurses faded into the background.

He theatrically took slow breaths, gesturing his hands up and down over his chest as he inhaled and exhaled, coaxing me to follow his rhythm. I did my best to keep up. My breathing would manage to be in sync with his for a breath or two, and then the shaking of my body would take over and I would be right back to the excruciating quick intakes of air the put a blunt pain on my sternum.

The nurse was trying to shove him out the door, when his head snapped to the right, peering down the hallway. "Dad!" He shouted frantically, "Dad you have to help her! She can't breathe!" A handsome blonde man bounded around the corner and into my room. He had the same strong jawline and gentle expression as Edward. "Edward, go back to your room." He spoke calmly, I nodded at Edward once, silently giving him permission as best I could.

Edward hesitated for a few seconds before finally letting the petite nurse push him out of my line of sight. The blonde man turned his attention to me. "Bella, I'm Dr. Cullen, can you sit up for me?" He asked sweetly. I tried to comply, but I couldn't. My body was still shaking violently. Dr. Cullen whipped his head around to the nurse, "I think she may need to be sedated." He said to her, and I was suddenly compelled to find my voice.

"No." I insisted. "It was just a bad dream." I tried to convince everyone in the room, including myself. The last thing I needed was to be put back into sleep, where I was at his mercy yet again. Being awake was safer, of that I was sure.

"Bring her an Ativan." The doctor spoke again, compromising with my pleas. He turned his attention back to me, "You have to take something, Miss Swan. You're having a panic attack, this will relax you without knocking you out too harshly." He assured as the nurse handed him a pill. He pulled an unopened bottle of water out of his bag as he slipped the pill from his hand to mine.

I nodded in compliance, even though I didn't want the pill. I popped it into my mouth and downed about half of the small bottle, letting the cool liquid soothe my raw throat. "Thank you." I said meekly. He put his fingers to my wrist to check my pulse, and waited with me until the medicine kicked in.

I closed my eyes to blink, Dr. Cullen's hand still on my wrist, when I opened them up again there was light shining through the small window of my room. I took a deep breath before even attempting to move. My 72 hours was almost up, and I was entirely sure that I had ruined any chances I had of getting out on time.

I reluctantly got out of bed and felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Every part of me was sore from the attack, the jump, and now the nightmare. I was shaking so badly when I woke up that every muscle felt as if I'd overexerted myself in a workout from the tension.

I grabbed my clothes and walked up to the nurses station. "May I take a shower?" I asked sweetly. I was still covered in sweat and dried up tears.

"Of course, Bella." She smiled, and led me back to the bathroom with a shower in it. All showers had to be supervised. I let the hot water loosen up my muscles, the smell of the generic soap made me yearn to go home where I had my own possessions, my own smell. I wondered idly how Edward still managed to have his own scent.

Once I was sufficiently clean, I turned off the water and wrapped myself in a towel. I took my time getting dressed, still embarrassed by my episode in the middle of the night, and terrified that it would mean I couldn't go home.

The nurse led me back into the hallway when I was dressed, and I took a giant breath before making my way into the rec room where I knew everyone would be speculating on what happened. Slowly but surely I put one step in front of the other until I reached the end of the hallway, and when I did everybody stopped to stare at me.

A few people chuckled, I heard a boy say "she'll never get out of here now!" between laughs, Bree laughed loudly at his joke and put her hand on his upper thigh. Edward had mentioned that she had a bit of a reputation. His brazenness caught me off guard, and I wondered if he was right, if I ever really would get out.

Before I could panic too much, Edward led me away from him by my forearm gently, the look he shot the boy was absolutely deadly. The nameless boy backed down immediately, and suddenly his joke wasn't so funny to him or Bree.

"Don't look at him like that." I admonished, even though it was for my sake. I didn't like it when Edward looked intimidating.

"I should rip his head off!" Edward whispered loudly, momentarily tightening his grip on my forearm. I jumped back from him, his outburst shocking me. "Shit, I'm sorry." His expression immediately softened as he reached out for my hand.

"It's okay." I shrugged. "You can be so...intimidating sometimes. I'm just not used to it" I hesitantly let him take my hand in his, and I hoped that one day his touch would be as easy as it was in my dream, even if we were only friends.

"You have no reason to ever be afraid of me." He said sheepishly, I could tell by the expression on his face that he was chastising himself. "I have a bit of a temper, but I wouldn't lose it with you, or any woman for that matter. Definitely not you, never you." He said with exasperation as he pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes for a moment. He peeked up at me and just like the night before, he gently touched my face.

"You look so tired." He said sadly.

"I didn't get much sleep last night." I attempted a lame joke, which he didn't find funny.

"What happened to you?" He asked.

"I'm not sure, your dad said it was a panic attack, but I've had those before and this one was much was much worse. Maybe this one was just particularly b-" I said out in a rush before he cut me off.

"Not what happened last night!" He said roughly. "I know something happened to you, don't lie to me, Bella. I'm a veteran do you think I don't know a night terror from post traumatic stress when I see one?!" Tears pricked my eyes and his expression immediately returned to normal.

"I can't tell you, I'm sorry." I said lamely. All the fight had left my system, I was tempted to just scream it out loud, and let him do with that information what he will.

"Did someone do something to you?" He asked incredulously. He returned his hand to mine.

I was half annoyed and half relieved that he could see right through me. Yet still, I couldn't trust Edward with my secret. "I can't talk about it, Edward. No one can know this." I shrugged.

"I would never tell a soul, I swear." He said passionately. His eyes were pleading with mine to let him in, but it still didn't seem like a good idea.

"Let's get out of here first. I'll tell you someday, okay?" I compromised hoping to placate him.

"Promise me." He said sternly.

"I promise." I held out my pinky to him, and he halfheartedly took it. I wasn't sure if I actually _did_ promise but I needed him to stop asking, it hurt too much.

Edward peered over my shoulder and I noticed that Dr. Cope was nodding toward us. Edward swiftly wrote his phone number on a napkin with a crayon, the only writing utensil we were allowed, and handed it to me. "When you're out, I'm out. We're in this together." He winked, and my heart melted a little bit.

"Bella." Dr. Cope smiled. "Let's get you ready for discharge, your dad is on his way. I want to have a discussion with you about what we expect from our outpatient program." She said kindly, and I could hardly contain my excitement.

"I get to go?" I asked giddily. For a few brief moments I was able to just be excited about something. My own bed, my own soap, my own cooking, my _home_.

"Your 72 hours is up, and we don't think you are an immediate harm to yourself and others." She said, obviously not happy with the narrowness of the rules. I didn't really care what Dr. Cope thought of the rules in that moment, because I was going home with my Dad.

Dr. Cope went back over the expectations. I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication, one for every day use, and one for emergency use in case I'm particularly panicked. Her words rolled over me, and I did my best to smile and nod in all the right places.

After about five minutes of her rattling off instructions, I was led to the front where my Dad was waiting with a sad smile. Immediately he wrapped me in his arms and I melted into him.

"I'm so sorry, Dad." I whispered, willing my tears not to fall.

"Don't ever scare me like that again, baby girl." He huffed. "Let's go to the diner and have a feast. Appetizer, entree, and dessert. We're gonna get some meat on those bones." He said through a chuckle, masking his despair.

Dr. Cope cleared her throat behind us. "Charlie, I've already gone through everything with you, Bella is expected at group tomorrow and we will have an individual session the day after that." She said adamantly.

"It won't be a problem." Dad nods at her, acting like he does as Chief Swan.

My elation subsides as soon as we get to the car, and awkwardness swims around my dad and me. He and I had always been okay with comfortable silence. Usually, however, there wasn't an elephant in the room. I knew that something needed to be said, but I didn't know what that something was. It was evident to me, that neither did my Dad.

"So.." He trailed off, still unsure of what to say "are you feeling...better?" I knew what he was asking, but he was trying to be gentle.

"I'm okay Dad." I lied, but I _was_ doing _better_, and that's what he asked.

"Jake and Billy came to the house yesterday to bring back your truck." He sighed. "Jake said Sam has been asking about you a lot." my heart dropped as he said those words. I clenched my fists as he surveyed my reaction.

"Don't bring up Sam to me ever again!" I shouted. "If he comes to the house, send him away. If he calls, say I'm not there." I was breathing shakily.

"Alright, alright." He conceded. "You know I never liked that boy, I can't tell you how many times I had to throw his sorry ass in the drunk tank. I just gotta ask, honey, did he do something to you? Cheat on ya'?" I was a shit liar, but I had grown accustomed to avoiding answering questions directly.

"Don't worry about it, we're done, just...keep him away from me. I know you always wanted to sit on the porch and clean your gun in front of boyfriends...well, now is your time to shine." I said through frustration. I wanted to tell my dad what happened. I wanted his comfort, and in a lawless world, I wanted him to go shoot Sam in the head. Tears welled up in my eyes.

"Dad, can we just take our things to go." I asked him, not wanting to have a breakdown in the restaurant. Forks was never safe from gossip for too long, and I was sure at least half of the people in the restaurant would have heard about my stint in the loony bin.

"Bella, don't cry." He begged. I could probably count on one hand how many times my dad had seen me cry, and he never, ever handled it well. He took a deep breath and rubbed his hand over his face. "We'll get the food to go, and we'll wait in the car. Whatever you want, just don't cry. I'm sorry I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to do something normal I'm just so glad you're alive and we just don't spend enough time together and I can't stand the thought that maybe you did it because you don't realize how much.." he swallowed thickly. "How much I love you, Bella. You're the only family I got, and I would be lost without you. You're all I've ever needed in this world." He finished.

My tears fell again, I could also count on one hand how many times he had actually told me he loved me, even though it was always known. "I'm sorry, Dad. I promise, I won't do it again. I just...I'm going through a particularly hard time right now." I didn't know what to say. "It was a rash, stupid decision." I admitted to both of us.

He put his hand over mine, a rare but welcome fatherly gesture as we pulled into the parking lot. "How about I get us a sampler, a couple burgers, and some pie?" He changed the subject more gracefully that he was usually able.

I nodded and half smiled. He swiftly ran into the restaurant, and I grew fidgety in the car alone, looking over my shoulder. I breathed in through my nose and out my mouth. I shut my eyes and pictured Edward standing in the doorway gesturing for me to breathe normally. The way he gestured over his chest made me want to lay on it, it looked warm, and safe.

Charlie opening the car door broke me out of my daydream. "They'll bring it out to us in a few moments." He spoke, awkwardness taking over again.

"Dad, do you have my phone?" I asked, remember the napkin in my pocket.

"Uhh, yeah, it's in the glove box." He gestured toward it with a nod. He was obviously curious about why I needed it, and I wasn't about to tell him.

I pulled it out and turned it on, it had about half of a battery. I saved Edward to my contacts list before sending a text.

_Hey, it's Bella. I thought you should have my number, too. Did you make it out alive?_

I was nervous after sending the text, unsure if he was serious about leaving when I did. I hadn't known Edward very long, and trust didn't come easily to me. Just as I was about to feel like a total idiot for even reaching out to him and not playing it cool against my better instincts, the indicator light on the top of my phone lit up.

_I did. Left right after you did. Couldn't stand the thought of dinner without you. At least I'll see you tomorrow. _

_E_

I was thankful for the playfulness in his text, and it made me feel better for the moment. I decided not to text him back until I was done having dinner with my dad. I knew my dad could tell something was up, and I knew I would have to channel all of my energy into keeping it from him.

* * *

**AN: Sorry that took so long to get out, College life is a lot busier than high school life so I likely won't get the chapters out as quickly as I did with my other fics. Also, if you want to listen to the song that inspired this fic, it's, unsurprisingly, called "Dismantle, Repair" by Anberlin. Please review. I don't hold chapters for ransom, but reviews do motivate me, I gotta say.**

Aces.


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